Now that’s my kind of IV. Anyways.. drank coffee now I can’t sleep. So here i am .. writing again. Honestly this is therapeutic for me to process things through this blog.. so thanks for humoring me!
If you are just tuning in, read the post before this to catch up on our week in the ICU with my precious amazing Daddy. Guys /I truly have been so blown away by the body of Christ in this process. Another thing that has blown me away is to see how many lives my parents have impacted for the glory of God. They love .. they love BIG, ALOT, and well– they make friends and make people feel like they are the most special.. from the janitor to the president.. they treat everyone with the love of Christ and it shows… I remember being so humbled by that when dad went through cancer last time.. reminded of it over and over again through this (ok. can you tell I am a proud daughter).
ok honest answer here.. today was a long hard rough day. But one where I can say.. : never once did I ever walk alone. Never once did He leave me on my own.. He is faithful .. oh He is faithful (matt redman song by the way!) it’s so helpless to watch your dad suffer.. to know there is a giant blood clot inside his lungs (which are an important body part you know) that you can do nothing about.
To know they are doing a test with big scary words like bone marrow looking for big scary things..
In the weeks leading up to this God has been teaching me about how He is in the details.. even the ones we don’t like.
I have been reading through the Bible with Two rivers church this year and we read the story of Joseph.
Then I heard an awesome sermon by Chris Jesson on Joseph and how God makes sense of the things we dont’ understand.. the hard stuff.. it was a powerful sermon to me.. and at the time the Lord whispered so deeply to my heart: Jenn you need this. I am sending you this sermon to prepare the way for suffering you are going to experience. Listen to these words of life.. remember them .
Of course I was hoping that was my stomach growling for dinner instead of the Holy Spirit of God whispering to me. (that’s the unspiritual truth).
I could not get over that sermon and what God spoke to me about it. How God is in the details even when we don’t always like them.. because He is painting a picture.
A verse I couldn’t get over/can’t get over is Psalms 37:23 NLT The Lord delights in the details of our lives.
As I reflected on that sermon, and then on that verse God gave me a visual. Of how He is the God who connects the dots. The God who has a BIG picture for me full of little details. And He delights in each detail .. especially because He knows the picture He is making for His glory.
Romans 8:28 I am working together ALL things
I thought of those connect the dot pictures when you are a kid. If you first look it’s a bunch of dots. But if you take your pen and connect the dots, it makes a picture.
I can like the dots, the details when I remember they are apart of God’s big story– His glory story.
Even when I don’t understand them.
Even when they are hard.
Even when they can be moments like watching your loved ones suffer
Even moments of turning the ICU room into a sanctuary of worship
And God’s pen does an amazing job of connecting the dots. See as a kid, and probably even now I would sometimes ignore the numbers and think i could figure out the picture on my own.
and oops.. I looked wrong, didn’t follow the numbers and my lines didn’t connect the dots right.
So even tonight, when I don’t necessarily understand the picture or the “dots” the details, I want to give God the pen.
trusting He is connecting those dots
For His glory story.
And thankful for little details/big ones: like:
my daddy was supposed to go to Bahamas next week for work. If He has gotten on that plane with that blood clot, He would not still be with us today.
I live in the ghetto in an apartment… not the nicest place to live, but it is 2 blocks away from the hospital so my mom and i can stay here and be close.. what a detail God knew
My mom trained to be a Stephen minister at her church and now those precious Stephen ministers from her class are ministering to her.
My parents made friends at their church with an amazing couple the Motts. Just a few months ago He was in the hospital and docs were throwing around big scary diagnosis.. like 5 % chance of survival. My dad visited them in ICU, prayed with them, and helped them believe. Now that same couple believing with us.. and tonight blew us away with precious things like food/cards/anything you can imagine needing
I was supposed to lead a retreat this weekend and this was the topic i was going to talk about. the theme was going to be connect the dots: God’s big story, little details. I prepared to share with them how God connects our dots, even in events we don’t understand. I am not going to be able to go this weekend– but God gave me that for me.. preparing my heart beforehand with his ammunition of faith